I can hardly believe that another year is coming to an end. I think I say that every year. And just the same as the last, they continue to roll by, at an ever increasing speed...or so it seems.
So many things have happened. The most life-changing for us has been introducing TTWD into our marriage. It has only been 3 months, but it has made such a dramatic difference. Oh, there have been some explosions.
There were times I felt like I was going to have to scrape the pieces of myself off of the ceiling and wondered if I'd ever find all of me. I've wondered many times in this journey if I was losing myself. Don't get your panties in a wad or start sending e-mails. That is not how we operate. I still have an opinion. Sometimes it just "feels" that I'm losing myself.
Sometimes I felt like he was in a galaxy far far away. Sorry for the Star Wars reference...my son LOVES it right now :) and didn't understand, and didn't get it. He didn't get how this was supposed to work. He didn't get how I felt...He didn't get me.
Somehow through communication and love we would slowly begin inching toward one another again. And when I finally looked up, as the smoke from our explosion began to clear...
What had come from that explosion was something beautiful. The explosions had always served to create more intimacy and closeness than before. We are most definitely a work in progress, but we are communicating in a way I had never even thought was possible. I never even knew communication on this level existed.
I have begun to be more open and honest because it is what is best for us. Though it's not usually what is best for my backside. And John has started to step up and lead our family and make decisions that he never would have made otherwise. I have seen his self-confidence grow. I have realized the influence I have in our family and even in TTWD. I have the ability with my words and actions to create a place of rest and comfort for my amazing husband and also for our children. A place that is safe from the outside world. A place of love and acceptance. A place of security and intimacy.
A place where we can grow to become the people we want to be. Where I can be what John deserves. What are children deserve.
This has been a crazy amazing journey and 2012 will be a year I will not likely forget. I'll be reminded every time I sit down! Here's to a new year and new adventures in 2013! May this year be full of love and joy for you all.
Willie, this glass of submission wine is for you!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!