Thursday, December 6, 2012

It's Just Not Fair!

TTWD is hard!  After a long day at work, then coming home to make dinner, help with homework, clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry, run the vacuum...well you get the picture...the last thing I want to do is submit to my husband.  One of our rules is that I take care of him.  He is very understanding of the demands on my time, but he likes me to do little things for him like get his tea or lay out all his toiletries before bed.  I don't get in trouble if I am legitimately busy or exhausted, but could be punished if I am just being a brat.  

Sometimes I start to feel like TTWD just isn't fair. (I know, I know, but let me have my pity party for a minute!) I mean I'm the one who is doing all the changing!  I can no longer think for myself (this really isn't the case, but is part of the party I'm having).  I now need his permission for or advice on EVERYTHING! (every party needs drama, right?)  I get spanked for speaking my mind screaming my opinion (how unfair is that!)  Since implementing TTWD my pride and my posterior have been wounded.

So I've come to the conclusion that TTWD REALLY ISN'T FAIR!!

Don't start throwing stones just yet!  I'm not done.  

Over the last week we have been discussing a voluntary change in our lives.  This decision will impact every area of our lives, some for the better, some for the worse.  It will affect our financial situation pretty drastically and our family interactions as well.  While I have weighed in on  the decision, ultimately John will make the final decision.  This will be the first major decision that he will make as HOH.  In the past this is a decision that we would have discussed, but I would have done whatever I thought was best.  Now, post TTWD, I no longer carry the stress of this decision.  It really is a relief.  I trust his judgement completely.  I know that he only wants what is best for our family and whatever he decides I will be ok with.  It's such a new feeling for me...to trust him completely.  I know that he is fully engaged in our family.  (Not that he wasn't before, but I never allowed him to express it) 

But from his perspective I know the feelings he must be experiencing.  He is responsible for us.  He is responsible for making the decision that will so completely affect us all.  He carries us on his shoulders.  If the wrong decision is made it will have serious consequences.  Either decision could be potentially detrimental to our life.  That's a lot for a person to weigh out.  

THAT IS NOT FAIR! 

I was always taught that a marriage should be 50/50.  What I have learned is that is doesn't work for us.  In our marriage each person must give 100% to the role that they are in.  I don't know that those roles are divided equally.  John is responsible for everything including my personal development, our marriage, and our family dynamic. My contribution seems minuscule in comparison.  

IT DEFINITELY IS NOT FAIR!  But I'll take that trade any day :D


11 comments:

  1. That's the price he pays for being able to spank your butt.

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    1. LOL! This made me laugh Sunnygirl! And yes I suppose it is ;)

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  2. No way would I want to trade places with Ryan.....NO way. You are right sometimes we forget how much stress this must be for them.

    You are doing well....keep having faith in him...I am sure he will do what is best for your family :)

    ~Lucy

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement as always Lucy ;)

      P

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  3. Nicely said! Nothing fair about it but I like how you put it into perspective. The little unfairnesses we feel are nothing compared to the responsibility that they carry.

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    1. Thanks Susie!

      Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own feelings of injustice I forget the burden that he is carrying for us.

      P

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  4. I say that to Ward all the time - it seems you give so much and I give so little. And he reassures me that my contribution is immense, that he could not do what he does without me. We give them that soft place to land. And that's awesome.

    In the other connotation, I say that too! That's not fair (insert pout here) and he kisses my pout & says - I never said it would always be fair - but I did say it would be fun and it would be worth it - sigh - logic! ;-)

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  5. Thanks for popping in June! i stop in at your place from time to time but don't think I've ever commented. (Chagrin) You and Ward seem to have this pretty well figured out and we're still stumbling around in the dark stubbing our baby toe! I do enjoy your "perspectives" though.

    Gotta love their logic...most of the time ;). Though usually in the moment it just irritates the daylights out of me! Lol

    P

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  6. It's not fair! ;) I like how you see both sides of this, P. I believe it all evens out, after the settling-in period occurs. Keep on doing what you're doing!

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  7. Thanks for stopping by Elisa! The "settling in" period is a little rough! Still there and trying to navigate the terrain ;).

    P

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  8. Well your part in this is to be all that you can be, so that he can be all that he can be. Your honesty of self, and devotion gives him the strength to deal with what is placed upon him.

    Really it is 51% to 49% right? You chime in, but he decides in the end. He therefore doesn't go it alone, you are right behind him.

    June is right, you are the soft place to fall. With John helping you become who you asked, you are becoming who he needs. Who he can turn to and more importantly wants to turn to if things don't go well.

    Good Luck

    We had a similar decision this week too. I still have an unsettled pit in my stomach, but Barney has been dealing with everything, asking my opinion every step of the way. This time though I didn't have to get my hands dirty and the pit doesn't seem as deep.

    Love
    Willie

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