A conversation with a friend has led me to think on this subject. I mean to point no fingers at anyone, but more as a self examination. If it causes you to think about your own relationship, then I am glad to not be alone.
Submission is described by wikipedia as the acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior or superiors. That led me to look up the definition of superiors, which is defined as an individual or position at a higher level in the hierarchy than another (a "subordinate" or "inferior"), and thus closer to the apex. It is often used in business terminology to refer to people who are supervisors and in the military to people who are higher in the chain of command (Superior Officer). Superiors are given, sometimes supreme, authority over others in the control. When an order is given, one must follow that order and obey it or punishment may be issued.
The thing that stood out to me was the word given. The authority that a superior has is given to him/her, it can not be taken. I know that this isn't English class, but I have one more definition. One of the definitions of given is to be bestowed as a gift or presented.
If you give a gift to someone, can you take it back? If you are given a gift and then later have it held over your head, was it really a gift? I have in the past been given a gift to later realize that it was payment for a deed to be expected later. It left me feeling like I would have rather went back in time and not accepted it. Is that how Daddy feels sometimes? Do I hold my submission as something to be earned and not something I freely give to him? I hope that is not how he feels, but I fear that there are times that is it exactly.
Submission is not something that I can give and then take away and then give again based on the way I am feeling at that moment. How can he lead that way when he doesn't know from one day to the next if I will be behind him? I must decide the life I want to lead. To submit or not. And if I choose to submit then it must be a gift given once and for all.
As HOH, the gift of submission that is given to me grants me the ability to control and to give "orders". The ability to give "orders" or tasks, chores, or assignments has become a daily event lately. Each task, chore or assignment is given with the intention to focus Baby Girl's attention on her gift of submission that she gave to me. Sometimes they push her further than she originally wanted to go, and sometimes they are regular things that I ask of her. The act of giving these also is a gift that I give to show my love and devotion to my Baby Girl and TTWD. As with any gift, much thought is put into these before they are given. The gift of being Baby Girl's HOH has given our marriage a new happiness.