Monday, November 5, 2012


The alarm is going off.

Don't you have to get up soon?

Ya, in a few minutes.

I begin to rub his back trying to gently coax him back into consciousness.  I rub his shoulders, his arms, his chest, his legs, his bottom.  The alarm goes off again and sit up onto the edge of the bed.  I am so filled with love and adoration for this man.  So I slide out of bed onto the floor naked and I kneel before him and begin kissing his feet.  He stands and starts to leave.

You're really making it difficult for me to leave...I really want to...

And then he walks back toward me, grabs the back of my neck and thrusts himself into my mouth.  I love these moments.  I feel completely submissive to him. He pulls me to my feet, walks around behind me and bends me over the bed.  He takes what he needs from me and I love every minute of it.  Afterward I am back to kissing his feet, mesmerized by My Love.

Fast forward several hours.  He has gone to work and I am up and getting the children ready for school.  We were discussing, via text, the morning.  Then out of nowhere.

You know, you really have been getting off easy!  I haven't even punished you for half of the things I said I would.  Waaaaa!  What has just happened?  We just went from an amazing, intimate morning to punishment talk.

So I respond with the most intelligent response I can muster...Huh?  Yep!  That was it.  That was my big, grandiose response...Huh?

He explained that the struggles we have been having are due to his lack of leadership and follow through and that was no longer going to be an issue.

 Uh-huh...(as you can see my vocabulary was wildly expansive)

I now start regaining my vocabulary and I start back peddling just as fast as my tongue (well fingers as we were still texting) would allow me.  I said I knew that this whole thing was my idea, but I'm just a stupid woman...what do I know anyway?  I'm no marriage counselor!  He wasn't buying any of it.  That did not stop me from peddling away.  I gave every reason I could think of that this would not work and how beating me senseless didn't seem like a sane way of making us both better people, better parents, better partners.

Now don't get me wrong, I have not enjoyed the tifts that have occurred lately, but My Love's new resolve has me a bit worried to say the least. Hopefully I can mind my P's and Q's and stay out of trouble :)


  1. Just found you through Grace's blog. Hmm, can be a scary proposition when you're first starting, but the consistency builds a lovely, comforting refuge.

    1. Thanks for reading June and thanks for the encouragement too! I am finding a safety I didn't anticipate inTTWD. We communicate so much better than we did before. My Love is truly my best friend and I can tell him anything. We have a long way to go, but I have no regrets

    2. You just named the biggest rewards :) It feels amazing. And the safety and love, that's something some have a hard time understanding I imagine (a certain 'nilla friend of mine, lol), but it IS there, and it is immeasurably lovely! And the communication is astounding.

      So lovely to hear. Ward is definitely my best friend. And you know what? It's not a destination, it's a journey. Ward and I are still learning and growing, too.