Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Come Out of the Closet? Or Stay in Hiding?

I talk to my sister every day.  Sometimes several times a day.  We talk about everything from shoes to hairstyles to raising our kids.  We share everything, our stupid thoughts, the funny things our kids managed to come up with today, and the annoying thing our husband did/didn't do.  Until now.  Until Dd.  Now I find myself being measured and calculating in every conversation.  Can I say that?  Is that too much?  Can I expalin that without giving away too much information?  I knew going into this lifestyle that it would be lonely and that I wouldn't be able to talk about it, but I didn't realize how hard it would be, especially with those closest to me.

My sister and I have always talked about relationships.  In the past when My Love and I were having an argument or he was just being a pain, I would call my sister to unload on her all of my frustrations and she has always done the same.  We would scream, we would cry, and ultimately we would laugh and resolve that men just don't get it! 

Now I have much more respect for My Love and don't want to "man bash" him anymore (sometimes I give in to old habits...shhh!).  When she shares with me things that are happening in her marriage I try to listen and give advice, but things have changed.  I cannot be completely open with her.  When My Love and I are having issues regarding Dd, I struggle to talk to her because there are so many things I can't say.  There is now a LARGE part of my life I don't share with her.  While Dd isn't the only thing going on in our lives it is by far the greatest change and challenge.  Though it is a tool, while we are working out all of the details, it consumes much of my thought life and online activities. 

I know this is a common problem for couples practicing Dd.  So my question is how do you deal with it?  Do you share with those closest to you?  Or do you remain in hiding?  Whether you are currently facing the same problem or have figured out how to navigate it, I'd like to hear your thoughts. 


  1. Keeping something like DD from sisters, brothers and parents is common in this lifestyle choice. Otherwise, there is at least one or more people involved in our private life, and have questions and opinions without the knowledge you have. We begin to "defend" our choice instead of share it and live DD with our loved one as part of our private life. If you were to tell anyone, you're also sharing part of your husbands private life. You're not alone, you are in this with your husband. I'd ask, "What does he suggest?"

    1. Sorry I haven't responded til now. I have been extremely busy with work and then the holiday. I know that sharing with my sister isn't really a practical solution...I guess I was just daydreaming :) You made an excellent point though that drives this home. I am still trying to wrap my own brain around this and really don't want to have to defend it to someone else when some days I have to defend it to myself.

      Thank you for your input and support! It means alot!