I've been known to be a bit high strung. Translated in DD, high maintenance. I hate that term. It makes me feel like a car or something. The other reason I hate that is it makes me needy. I need John more than I have ever let myself believe or feel. Have I always needed him? Sure, to some degree, but I had convinced myself that I could take care of myself. I was rarely hurt because I had little expectation. If he paid attention to me it was nice, if not, I was alright. Now if I don't receive that attention regularly I feel like I'm devastated. I don't like it.
So what do I do? How do I need him so desperately, yet not hold that expectation? That control? Is the need to control what is causing me so much pain? Do I just need too much? More than he is able to give right now?