Saturday, April 20, 2013

Maybe I Just Need Too Much

Maybe this is just related to my control issues.  Not sure really.  Maybe our life is just too busy.  I need a lot of attention on a regular basis and tend to spiral when I don't get it.  I don't usually even realize it right away. It's usually not until things have deteriorated significantly that I look around and can see where I've fallen to. 
 


I've been known to be a bit high strung.  Translated in DD, high maintenance.  I hate that term.  It makes me feel like a car or something.  The other reason I hate that is it makes me needy.  I need John more than I have ever let myself believe or feel.  Have I always needed him?  Sure, to some degree, but I had convinced myself that I could take care of myself.  I was rarely hurt because I had little expectation.  If he paid attention to me it was nice, if not, I was alright.  Now if I don't receive that attention regularly I feel like I'm devastated.  I don't like it.


So what do I do?  How do I need him so desperately, yet not hold that expectation?  That control?  Is the need to control what is causing me so much pain?  Do I just need too much?  More than he is able to give right now?  


  

17 comments:

  1. Only you know the answers to those questions, but sometimes knowing the questions make the answers easier to find.

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    1. I agree sunnygirl and they were truly rhetorical, but you make a good point...knowing the question does make it easier to find the answer.

      Hugs

      P

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  2. I often feel like I am a lot of work for Ian. I don't want to be, but it sometimes seems like it is all about my needs. I have also had the feeling that I need him so much, it must be a burden.
    Ian and I have talked through these things, and I know how he really feels. It makes it so much better to communicate your feelings to each other, Sweetie.
    Many of the things I have learned in Dd have been about myself. Of course lots of things about our relationship too, but specifically "what are the things, good and bad, that I have brought with me?"
    Looking inward is hard, but then, isn't all growth?
    Good luck, sweetie
    hugs and love
    lillie

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    1. Thanks Lillie! Wow have I learned a THING OR TWO! lol It has definitely been the hardest thing I have ever attempted.

      Hugs

      P

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  3. What does John feel?
    Hi Poco & John,
    If I may... just keep the open honest communication lines open.
    Everything else will come with time and patience.
    I really like the statement from sunnygirl, it's kind of like a Chinese proverb :) And it's true, by being able to ask the right questions it shows growth, and it means the right answers will follow.

    ~ MrBBSpanker

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    1. Ah...there's that word again! Communication! And people think DD is all about spanking...HA! But alas I do agree BB.

      P

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  4. I've told you how Ward feels about my being needy - it makes them feel more tender and protective. They enjoy that we need them. It's ok to need.

    The control thing? Well we've talked about that. And the too busy thing will work out very soon.


    (((hugs)))

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    1. Yes we have...at length :) 7hrs...give or take! ROFL!

      (((Hugs)))

      P

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  5. Aww Pocohontas! I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I have been struggling with some of these feelings as well recently. I think that the others have given you some wise advice.

    It is very difficult to go from taking on the world pre-DD, to leaning on your man now. I do feel like quite a handful, as well as very needy at times. It floors me because I was so very independent for many years. I have made the decision to lean on him and let him lead. Now I find that the more I lean on him, the more he steps up as an HoH. So I try to remind myself that if he didn't like it, he simply would not do it. We all promise to love, honor and cherish- and now we really do let them do just that. Needy or not, it takes great strength to go there! Hugs!

    <3 Katie

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    1. TL just wrote a wonderful blog entry where she addresses some of this, Pocahontas. You might want to check it out! :)

      http://ttwdchallengeaccepted.blogspot.com/

      <3 Katie

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    2. Thanks Katie! I will have to check it out.

      Hugs

      P

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  6. All what your feeling is normal and i imagine its something most go through, its ok to be needy, and damn i full on admit im high maintence lol....but its about finding that balance of what fits and works for you both...and you will..just keep the communication going.

    x

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    1. High maintenance, eh? Well at least I'm not alone! lol

      We're learning more about ourselves every day. We are finding out about our needs, or likes/dislikes...it has been amazing and it has sucked, but in the end it becomes amazing again because we won't give up. We can't.

      Hugs

      P

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  7. P~
    I see the struggle within myself. I wonder how to find the balance between my former self to myself now. Talk with John and ask him how he feels you may find he thrives with his new role and tending to your needs. Hugs

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    1. Not that I wish others to feel the same way, but it is nice to know that I'm not alone in my insanity :)

      Hugs

      P

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  8. Hi P,

    I think we all struggle with this from time to time. I know I do. We are capable of taking care of business and of ourselves, yet we have this strong need. It sometimes makes me feel as though I am a burden to Rick.

    I think a lot of it is attributable to the increased vulnerability we feel.

    Rick and I have spoken about this several times and he assures me that he loves my vulnerability and taking care of me and showing his love for me He wants me to lean on him and that I am not a burden. I'm willing to bet you would get the same response from John.

    ((Hugs)),
    Roz

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    1. I seem to have a hard time with vulnerability...I do better with castle walls and draw bridges! lol But I do appreciate not being alone

      Hugs

      P

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