Friday, October 26, 2012

Speed Bumps

In every new relationship there are those moments when you experience speed bumps.  Speed bumps are really annoying and can be painful especially when you're in a hurry.  I thought these moments were behind us for the most part.  We've known each other most of our lives and have been married long enough to have adjusted to each other's tendancies.  And then enter DD.  We really have seemed to be driving along nicely and then we happened upon a nice little speed bump.  You've got to love speed bumps.  The truth is it's the speed bumps that allow us to slow down, sometimes back up a little, and reevaluate.  Yesterday we hit one of those.  You see, My Love says that we have a great relationship and there are certain things that make it unique and he wants to make sure that those things are preserved in our new dynamic.  One of those things is our playfulness and my sense of humor.  I have a very sarcastic sense of humor.  To the outsider it can seem abrasive at times, but it's our way and it works for us.  We were having one of our playful moments via text and then My Love sent this..."Alright that's enough name calling!"  I was a little confused because we were playing and I thought maybe he was just joking.  So me being me responded with another sarcastic comment.  To which he replied, "Do you really want to keep pushing it?"  Woah!  Where did that come from?  I was so confused...I thought he liked me being playful and silly.  I thought he liked my sense of humor.  I thought as long as I wasn't being disrespectful it was ok.  And I wasnt' being disrespectful!  So what happened?  I tried to find out, but it didn't go well and My Love said we would discuss it when he got home.  That was like 2 hours away.  So what did I do with my time?  I stewed.  When My Love finally got home and we had a minute to talk he admitted that he was "power tripping" (his words, not mine).  That he had wanted to discuss something important and really only wanted to change topic.  Well as you can imagine that did not sit well with me.  About a week into DD I confessed that I was unsettled with how vulnerable I felt.  It scared me and I asked him to please not abuse my trust in him.  And that is exactly what happened.  I felt betrayed.  I felt abused.  I was surprised at how much it hurt me.  When I looked up I saw his distress.  My Love, strong and dominant, was in distress.  He told me he would understand if I couldn't trust him anymore and if I wanted to end the DD aspect of our relationship.  Before DD I probably would have completely shut down, pouted, and vowed to make him pay for his mistake.  Mistake...that is exactly what it was...a mistake.  I have made them.  I have made alot of them in our relationship and have always been forgiven completely.  I have made them since beginning DD.  I had a choice.  Behave like I always had in the past or embrace my submissive side and forgive him and move forward.  I chose to forgive him.  He never meant to hurt me or take advantage of his position.  Today he told me that he was setting boundaries for himself (something he says he should have done in the beginning) to make sure that it doesn't happen again.  I love him SO much!  I love that he was willing to admit his shortcomings.  I love that he wants me to be safe and happy and trusting.  I love him!  He is and always will be My Love.

We hit a speed bump.  It made us slow down and it made us both safer to move forward,  Isn't that what they're for?


  1. Welcome to blogland! :)

    Even though you've been together for so long, remember, you're navigating new waters now, both of you. As hard as it is for you to adjust to feeling more vulnerable and follow his lead it's just as hard for him to find his way and balance his new leadership and responsibility with compassion and understanding. Have patience with one another, keep communication open and realize that speed bumps will come along and that baby steps are a good thing. ;)

  2. Thanks Grace! I am a very private person normally, so blogging is a little like letting the world read my diary. The anonymity is helpful and because this lifestyle is lonely (we've decided not to share openly with our friends and family for obvious reasons) it allows me to connect with others and be able to share the good and the bad. Look forward to getting to know you better :)