Let me explain. There are some things that I don't do didn't used to do, even before TTWD. For instance I NEVER didn't used to swear at My Love. Now, I may have swore while having a conversation with him, but I didn't swear at him...there is a difference. But for some undiagnosed reason (yea, yea, yea I know that stupidity isn't a recognized disease, but I'm working on getting that changed) I chose now ,after implementing TTWD to start. I chose the time in our marriage that he has all rights to beat my a** black and blue a nice shade of red!
My Love has a tendency to tell me that I "must have said it in my head" when he hasn't heard something (ok so sometimes I had the conversation with someone else, but usually it's becausehe's old and therefore going deaf he's busy with something else). So on this occasion when he said it I replied,"F*ck you! And don't even start with the 'I said it in my head sh*t!' I don't want to hear it!" Well let's just say that I was really wishing he was deaf at that moment! He wasn't deaf and the look I got was enough to know I was not gonna be a happy girl...
So why now? Why does it seem that I'm having worse outbursts than I had before TTWD? I really didn't intend to do it. It seems as though something in my brain just malfunctioned... Thus my desperate need for a doctor! Any referrals?
My Love has a tendency to tell me that I "must have said it in my head" when he hasn't heard something (ok so sometimes I had the conversation with someone else, but usually it's because
So why now? Why does it seem that I'm having worse outbursts than I had before TTWD? I really didn't intend to do it. It seems as though something in my brain just malfunctioned... Thus my desperate need for a doctor! Any referrals?
Might I suggest a muzzle or some duct tape? They make the tape in all kinds of colors and designs...you could coordinate it with any outfit ;)
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, I did this same kind of thing in the very beginning. I have no idea why....testing where the line was perhaps.
You will get through this...you kind of have to learn to think before you speak....and that was a very hard and looooong lesson for me to learn.
You can do it!
Lucy,
DeleteI love the duct tape idea! My kids actually make things out of duct tape from time to time so we have some pretty cool designs...perhaps I should get a roll of my own to carry in my purse! lol
I really don't know what got into me...I NEVER talked to him like that, but I have read that it's normal. I just hoped I would be more mature than that...apparently not!
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It's not unnatural in the beginning of a DD lifestyle dynamic to test the envelope a little. At your next discussion bring this up and tell John how you feel :)
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass lol
MrBB
I felt like I was having an out of body experience! Like I was watching and listening to myself and at the same time screaming at myself "What are you doing?! Stop talking you idiot! Just stop talking!" lol
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Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteHonestly P, I think that when we embrace this way of life we become more fully ourselves. That means we open up and all sorts of things come gushing out, including the stuff that we would normally keep hidden away. I've heard other women say that they caught words coming out of their mouth that before they might only have thought. I can't know what is going on inside you and maybe you are testing him a little bit as well. Can he handle ALL of who you are? I dare say he can. :)
It's a bit scary to think that this is who I "really" am! Yikes! But I too believe John is more that capable of handling me...ALL of crazy, impulsive, opinionated, stubborn, high strung me. Somedays I feel sorry for him, but other days I just chose to believe I am making him stronger :) lol
DeleteThanks Susie!
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Must have been something in the air over the weekend, because I told myhusband the same thing.
ReplyDeleteWell on one hand I'm thankful to not be alone...on the other, I'm sorry! Hopefully the air has cleared and we can move on from this craziness!
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