I need a sign. Something that lets me know what is coming around the next corner so that I can prepare.
Ok...so truth is the signs were all there. In the last two weeks both of our cars had broken down. One is going to be out of commission for a while, the other was an easier fix, but still took time out of our already busy schedule. I had awoken (or not!) in a grumpy state and spouted off at mentioned to John something about needing to get out of bed and go to work and may have also mentioned something to the effect that he was really irritating me. He got up, kissed me and left for work. When I finally woke up, I felt bad and text My Love to apologize for being hateful a little less than pleasant. He thanked me for the apology and said that we'd deal with it later.
We had the night to ourselves. The kids were with Grandma for the night. As great as that sounds, we had to go car shopping. Not the fun kind of car shopping, the I need a car YESTERDAY kind of shopping. It's a mad dash to find a car that both suits our needs and my wants ;)
I had mentioned to a fellow blogger friend that these times never seem to end well. John and I had discussed resetting us as soon as the kids left and before beginning our car shopping, but it didn't happen that way. So off to shop. I was upset...I was disappointed...I was distancing a little. I was getting irritated over the stupidest things. We were both tired and it was creating the atmosphere for the perfect storm.
I have talked some about my husband's illness. I don't want this blog to turn into something totally focused on that, as we try not to let it run our life. That, however, was also in play this weekend. This issue is heightened by stress and lack of sleep and we were facing both.
We went about our search for a car and even stopped for dinner, but the looming "discussion" hung out in the back of my mind. This made me a real peach. By the time we got home John was exhausted and was also in a lot of pain...so once again...no "discussion".
The next morning was just more of the same. Silence. No touching, no communication, no connection. We got ready and headed out again to find the perfect car for us. We did find a car. It wasn't what I would've have bought if I was on my own...it was BETTER! John insisted that I get it.
Unfortunately, John has been suffering a flare up and we still have not had our "discussion". TTWD is kind of in the background for now. We are just trying to get through this flare up. I am trying to maintain my submission, but with the stress of his illness, our cars, sick children it is proving difficult. Hopefully, things will settle down a bit soon.
We had the night to ourselves. The kids were with Grandma for the night. As great as that sounds, we had to go car shopping. Not the fun kind of car shopping, the I need a car YESTERDAY kind of shopping. It's a mad dash to find a car that both suits our needs and my wants ;)
I had mentioned to a fellow blogger friend that these times never seem to end well. John and I had discussed resetting us as soon as the kids left and before beginning our car shopping, but it didn't happen that way. So off to shop. I was upset...I was disappointed...I was distancing a little. I was getting irritated over the stupidest things. We were both tired and it was creating the atmosphere for the perfect storm.
I have talked some about my husband's illness. I don't want this blog to turn into something totally focused on that, as we try not to let it run our life. That, however, was also in play this weekend. This issue is heightened by stress and lack of sleep and we were facing both.
We went about our search for a car and even stopped for dinner, but the looming "discussion" hung out in the back of my mind. This made me a real peach. By the time we got home John was exhausted and was also in a lot of pain...so once again...no "discussion".
The next morning was just more of the same. Silence. No touching, no communication, no connection. We got ready and headed out again to find the perfect car for us. We did find a car. It wasn't what I would've have bought if I was on my own...it was BETTER! John insisted that I get it.
Unfortunately, John has been suffering a flare up and we still have not had our "discussion". TTWD is kind of in the background for now. We are just trying to get through this flare up. I am trying to maintain my submission, but with the stress of his illness, our cars, sick children it is proving difficult. Hopefully, things will settle down a bit soon.
Hi P :)
ReplyDeleteOne of the major pitfalls with the way many HoHs (not all) understand ttwd is that they believe they are doing us a favour when they don't follow through. They don't understand that much needed increase in intimacy, the release from guilt, the re-set of emotions that comes with a spanking, the role affirmation after something like a bad remark to an HoH are things that we need, like heat and water.
A reprieve isn't a good thing for us, it often sends us spiralling into behaviour that is not conducive to a good dd relationship.
I think it is because living this lifestyle has brought all these feelings to the surface, we have a heightened awareness of the importance our submission plays in our day to day life. We need reinforcement, particularly when it is called for. It makes us feel safe, loved and feminine.
In the beginning of our dd journey, when this would happen I would be happy for a couple of hours, then notice a growing resentment for him....finally, we discussed it and while it still happens, it does so less frequently.
When illness becomes a reason for not following through, that would be a different issue. However, I think (just my opinion of course) you might want to tell John how you feel and explain why (if you feel any of the things I mentioned from my experience) he might consider taking you aside for a talk with follow through to come.
Just a talk from Ian can often reset me completely. If done in a authoritative way, it can help you come through the time to when he can address in his HoHie way.
Hope things improve soon, sweetie.
hugs and love,
Lillie
PS - Sweetie, I was just looking around your blog and noticed that you nominated me, and I am so sorry, I didn't realize it. My apologies. :)
I emailed your response to John...hopefully we will get chance to discuss it more. I so appreciate your insight.
DeleteAnd I didn't EXACTLY follow the rules...I was supposed to email you and let you know...oops! Apparently this is why I need ttwd! hehe
Hugs
P
Oh P....I am so sorry :( I have no idea what is going on around blog land....but I hope the dark cloud leaves soon! Hang in there sweetie....I promise it will get better. If you need to chat...I am here...we can give each other an earful!
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs....
~Lucy
Well Lucy...seems we've chatted and you're the one who got the earful! lol
DeleteHugs back at ya!
P
Well....I feel kind of odd commenting as you know what is happening within these four walls at the moment and advice from me probably isn't what you need right now...lol
ReplyDeleteBut I will say....
I do sincerely hope that you find something that works for John..or helps give him some relief first and foremost. Keep the lines of communication open, and things will work out. Have faith. Sometimes that's all we've got.
Big Hug to you...very gentle one to John
Love Willie
Thanks Willie! As you know we are looking into alternative forms of treatment to help with the pain...
DeleteAnd yes is it not you who who said "pot->kettle" lol!
Love ya
P
Hi P,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel with the cars, I'm holding my breath with mine right now.
It sounds like Lillie had some really good advice for you. Good Luck!
Thanks Betsy! I feel for you and hope yours holds out til you're ready to get a new one. Though it is nice having the new one :)
DeleteP
Hey P - it is so hard when your HoH has a chronic illness that flairs up. These are the times that really test your submission. When you start feeling grumpy, snappy, less than submissive, stop for a minute and think about how John feels. He agreed to TTWD and is trying but then his body betrays him... Maybe that thought will help you find a bit more within yourself.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers for both of you and healing energy that John finds relief soon.
Blessings,
Cat
I truly hate that he's in pain... We are looking into alternatives. And he has scheduled another appt with his Dr. so hopefully we can get some resolve soon
DeleteP
While I'm sorry that your husband isn't well right now, suffering a flare up of his illness, and he hasn't been able to address things as such...how wonderful that he insisted that you get the vehicle that was even better than what you were hoping for! :) I hope the kids and John are feeling better very soon! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteGrace just said exactly what I was going to say, so I'll only add that I'm thinking of you both.
DeleteElisa Xo
Thanks Grace! John is too good to me! Kids are all feeling better... John's taking a bit longer to recover
DeleteWe appreciate your thoughts Elisa!
Hugs to you both
P
Hi P, TTWD can be difficult when the HoH has a chronic illness that flares up and I understand the frustration this can cause. It's hard to retain your submissive side.
ReplyDeleteAs Cat said, remember that John is probably feeling just as frustrated as you at not being able to deal with certain situations. Like Lillie, I too can find that a firm talk from Rick alone can be enough to reset me.
I think it's important that you continue to talk things through when this happens, let John know how you are feeling etc.
I love that he insisted on getting you an even better car that you had hoped for :)
Hugs
Roz
It's very frustrating Roz! I'm not upset with John but I do get upset at the situation. And yes he's extremely frustrated!
DeleteWe continue to try to talk and figure this out
Hugs
P
Hey P,
ReplyDeleteI know we've talked about this before, but I agree with the other ladies. Moreover, John is likely feeling really frustrated with his inability to follow through.
Even though it's not what we do around here and honestly, if we did I would HATE it...would you be helped by some alternative discipline during the times when he can't physically follow through? There's some obvious ones that ladies talk about but then there's also creative things that only you two could figure out.
If you dare and if you think it might help you...talk to him! :)
I do love that he got you a car that you wouldn't have bought for yourself.
It's very difficult to be so new to this lifestyle and also juggling his illness. I hope we can find something that works soon.
ReplyDeleteHe is too good to me!
Hugs
P