The Past is Never Where You Left It...Part 1

**Disclaimer** This is a two part post.  That being said I am still rather raw and somewhat emotional and this post may not make any sense at all.  You have been warned!

How true is that?  Well it may or may not be for you, but for me it seems that the past never stays in the past for long.  John and I have been together for a long time which means that we have a lot of history.  When we first started ttwd, we decided to have a "cleansing", a spanking that would give us the fresh start and clean slate we both needed.  Unfortunately, I don't know that it worked.

Everything was going great.  Okay!  We've been on this crazy roller coaster since day 1.  Things were going well, but things started to fizzle out.  He wasn't as attentive and I was losing the grip on my submission.  

We had a sitter for the evening and we were going to talk about ttwd.  It wasn't going well.  We both became angry.  And there it was...one of the issues from our cleansing.  It came hurdling at me so quickly that I didn't have time to duck or dodge it.  It sucker punched me.  I felt as though the air had been sucked from the room and I couldn't catch my breath.  

I completely lost my submission and became forceful and demanded a decision about ttwd.  I told him that this was not a lifestyle that we had to agreed to live part-time.  I asked him if this was something he wanted, really wanted for us.  He said that it was.  I asked if it was something that he was willing to do, even when it was hard and even when he wasn't feeling the best.  He thought for a while.  If I'm honest, which I do endeavor to be, I was afraid he wouldn't want to continue.  Finally, he said that it was something he was willing to put in the time for.  He wanted this to work and said he realized that it had to be 24/7 or it wouldn't.  I said that he needed to start taking the lead in all things, and that included the conversation we were having.  So I stopped talking and waited...

He stood up and grabbed my hand and told me to come with him.  I was half drug down the stairs as he had wrapped my arm around his waist and walking down the stairs was awkward.  Once in our room he began undoing the button on my jeans and I told him that I didn't mean that we needed to have sex.

However, those were not his plans and I was bent over the bed and spanked.  Afterwards, I snuggled up on is chest, but he had not finished with me.  He proceeded to fulfill the fantasy from my first ever submission exercise!  It was so amazing!  He was amazing!  We proceeded to spend the rest of the evening just being together.  We watched a movie and had dinner.  It was a great night.

Later in the weekend he said that he wanted to begin "keeping good girls good" spankings on a regular basis and that we would start by doing it every other night.  Unfortunately, that has not yet happened.  I'm sure you know the turmoil that inconsistency and not following through cause.  Thus was the beginning of the downward spiral...