HOH Emerging

I knelt in front of him as he lay on the couch and laid my head on his chest.  He wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my back. 

It was nice...until it wasn't.  It was as if the earth began to shake and crack under us...well under me. 

 

The distance hit hard.  He hadn't said anything or done anything, but it was there.  I got up and sat down on my end of the couch and began to play with my phone.  He talked about the show that was on television and I snapped.  "I really don't care right now!"  He said nothing for a while.  Then he asked what was going on with me.  I said nothing.  Then I fell asleep.

He woke me to get ready for bed and and when we had settled in he asked if I was just tired or if something else was going on.  He said I seemed distant.  I told him that I felt distant, but really didn't know why.  Then I broke one of our MAJOR rules.  I rolled over and went to sleep. 

I awoke this morning and text him, which is our normal.  He tried again to reach me.  I blocked him at every turn.  I couldn't understand what was going on myself.  I had no idea what to tell him.  I wasn't intentionally shutting down, I was just confused.

I talked with a friend who helped me figure out what was going on.  Well, a lot is going on.  John is still not feeling that great so things are a bit...slow.  We had a great week last week.  He was issuing tasks to keep me in my sub state of mind, but that has slowed as well.  His illness is taking its toll on us both.  To the best of my recollection it has been about 6 weeks since my last spanking.

John said that we would deal with my breach of our rules once he got home and would make sure I was back to my soft and peaceful self.

What does that mean?

It means I will make sure you are back in your sub frame of mind.

How do you plan to do that?

You'll see.

We went back and forth via text for a bit.  And finally he said

I'll take you there, if you'll let me.

I don't really feel like an adventure right now...

Fine.  Then go get the clamps and put them on.

Are you serious?

Yes.

For how long?

Til I say.

Oh man!  What WAS I thinking when I bought those?  So off I went to attach the lovely clamps...OW!  They hurt like hell!

Now, I want you to think about why we do TTWD.

So I did.  Why do we do it?  We do it to make US better, to strengthen the bond and intimacy between us.  We continued to text back and forth and finally he said

There's my good girl...you've been hiding from me.  

And with that, I melted :)